pre-bed reflections, 9/14/22

(1) I still find myself looking at people, wanting to be noticed, in a manner totally identical to how I did when I was a child (albeit calibrated for present day context). It really begs the question, how much have I changed? Will I always be that child, in one way or another?

(2) Even so… every day- today included, of course- I find myself breaking through new barriers of insight and understanding, reaching new highs (and lows) that I didn’t think were possible, and that fundamentally change me.

(3) If #’s 1 and 2 are both valid, am I destined, in some sense, to always be running in circles, following a pattern of growth and regression whose presentation as evolution is an illusion?

(4) I saw a new color of sky tonight, twice in one hour as the sun set over Brooklyn. Does any of the above matter?

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